This morning is officially the FIRST day of my self-imposed weight loss challenge. I’m giving myself until June 1, 2015 (can’t forget the year, otherwise I would just say I meant 2019) to fit COMFORTABLY in a size 8 at The Limited (it’s where I buy 85% of all my work clothes), or get down to 160 pounds. I think those 2 things will line up, but if they don’t, I’ll take whichever is greater. Meaning, if I’m 170 pounds and wearing a size 8, I consider that making my goal. Or, if I’m 160 pounds and still wearing a size 10, goal accomplished.

Today I weighed in at 187 pounds and I am a comfortable size 12.

In order to get to my goal weight, I am mandating that I must go to the gym 5 days a week. When I say “go to the gym” I really mean work out, but I live in the arctic October through April so working out 99% of the time means going to the gym. Conversely, my gym has a full salon and restaurant so I could go there and never actually do anything beneficial in regards to my weight loss goal.

Enter negative reinforcement – If I don’t work out at least 5 days a week, until June 1, 2015 or until I reach my weight loss goal, I have to donate $50.00 to the worst organization I can possibly think of. At the beginning of each week, I’ll post the name of the organization, then I’ll follow by putting my previous week’s workouts in the post – to keep me honest – along with my weight and an occasional faceless body shot, in the name of fat shaming. I didn’t want to postpone starting, using the excuse, “I weigh in on Thursdays, so I’ll just start then” said in a really whiny voice, so this week will be short, Sunday to Thursday. Being only 5 days, I’ll give myself 1 workout rest day, so this week there will be 4 workouts and I’ll start the 5 days and the full challenge Thursday, January 8, 2015. This week, my organization of an undesirable nature is the Westboro Baptist Church. MAN, those guys suck…. Wish me luck!

SO… This s my first post for this blog. I’ve started a half dozen blogs over the last 10 years, but this one is going to last. I’ve finally come up with a blog idea that has daily content. Here are the pages I’m going to be focusing on:

1. Losing My Mind AND My Fat Ass– What happens when your fat ass gains 40 pounds in 4 years? You have to go to the gym – that’s the punishment. What happens when you don’t go to the gym? You stay fat – that’s the punishment. At least that WAS the punishment. I’ve gotta lose 40 pounds, visit the page “Losing My Mind AND My Fat Ass” to follow my progress and share in the CRAZY way I’m going to reach my goal.

2. A Fatty’s Gotta Eat – What I plan on eating versus what I eat while I lose my mind and my fat ass. So, maybe you don’t care (and that’s ok) but at least it will keep the food descriptions and pics out of my Instagram/Pinterest/Twitter/Facebook feeds. Who am I kidding, my Facebook timeline – Ain’t nobody got time for Twitter.

3. You Thought It, But I Said It – Basically, I’m a “Plastic” at heart. You know, Regina George and Cady Heron in Mean Girls? I like to think I’m more Cady, but let’s face it… I’m more Regina. The phrase most notably comes from the movie “White Chicks” where Brittany Wilson says, “I just hope the Vandergeld sisters’ private jet crashes on the way there [to the Hamptons].” and her sister Tiffany replies, “Oh, my god, Brittany!” and Brittany says, “You were thinking it!” and Tiffany says… “I know, but you said it.” Now, I know White Chicks isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, but I often find myself (both intentionally and un) saying the things people are thinking, but won’t say. Why would I be any different hiding behind the anonymity of the internet? Well, I wouldn’t.

4. Stupid People Saying Stupid Shit – I work in the marketing department of a highly professional, highly regulated multi-BILLION dollar company. Numerous times a week I find myself in meetings, feverishly taking notes, jotting down the awesomely horrific things college educated people I work with say. You should check it out. It’s funny, and I should know… I barely made it through high school. Ok, I don’t know how that would qualify an, “I should know” statement, but trust me, these quotes don’t disappoint.

5. Finally, Stupid People Buying Stupid Shit – By stupid people, I mean me and by stupid shit, I mean the stuff I buy. I want to purchase a vacation home in the next 10 years. Both my husband and I work. We do really well. There is one small hurdle to and it’s that I spend way too much on stupid shit and save way too little for the vacation home of my dreams. I’m hoping by publicly shaming myself with stupid purchases, I will STOP THE INSANITY, and actually save more now for what what I want in the future.

Anywho, you’ll probably HATE this blog and that’s ok. The last FB quiz I took was “What Do People Say About You Behind Your Back” and I got, “They HATE You.” Meh, it’s not surprising… I would hate me too.