Love Urban Dictionary. Love, love, love it. It’s how I find out what the hell my children are talking about and on top of that, it’s hilarious – usually. “Donkey Punch” look it up, you’ll probably regret it – but it’s worth it. Anywho…

My husband I were sans kids for Valentine’s Day this year (so this is a little old) and instead of our tradition of doing nothing and hanging out with the kids on this lover’s holiday, the husband wanted to go out to dinner. We decided to go to our favorite restaurant downtown and since we KNEW it would be crowded as all hell, we decided to go at 5:30 so we could get a seat at one of their communal tables.

We sat, drank, ordered, drank, had dessert, and then drank. After all that drinking and eating we got the bill. At this particular establishment, they send out these adorable little fruit candies with your bill, that look like this:

Every time we eat at this restaurant, I BEG my husband to take a man-hand sized fistful of these little delectables out of the basket on the hostess stand, and he never does… because he’s a total dick. So since it was Valentine’s Day and I really  wanted him to grab me a handful of the candy, I said, “If you grab a handful of the candy, I’ll let you shove them into my vagina and then punch me in the stomach so that they shoot out like a pinata…” His  response was, “Uh, I think you mean poon-yata….” I nearly died laughing. First, I was laughing because what grown woman talks about, in a crowed, nice dining establishment. shoving candy into her vagina and second, what husband is that awesome? I mean seriously, could we be any more perfectly matched??

Thinking a poon-yata HAS to be something someone has already thought of (there is NO WAY we are the first one to think of this, right?) I pulled up Urban Dictionary, right there at the table, and conducted a search for “poon-yata” and nothing! There is a “Poonata” which is: A term used to define a plastic bag containing turd (usually dog) hanging from low branch / bush. A peculiarly British middle classed phenomenon whereby the owners bag their pooch’s turd yet hang it from a branch rather than dispose of in doggy bin. 

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE NO ONE HAS ADDED THIS TO UD???? I think I have a visit to Urban Dictionary to make in the near future to publish a submission. Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!